Finding True Health After Disordered Eating And Over Exercising Part 2

If you haven't read my first post Part 1 check it out ...Here.

I joined my first Golds Gym back in 1997. I had been in the working world a few years so I ponied up and bought a membership.

I started doing the elliptical for 30 minutes, taking body pump classes, and lifting weights with a few body builder guys I met. I thought I was a fitness buff! Ha! 

I didn't know the first thing about food or diet. I did however read a ton of magazines and the newest thing to do was to drink H20... The old 64 ounce rule. So I did this.

But my horrible diet stayed the same. Very southern mixed with Mexican queso and chips everyday after I got off work. Tons of sugary foods. Lots of desserts. I had stopped eating fast food at this time...did this back in 1996. But nonetheless my diet was still really bad. Really bad! 

This was 1997. Lots of elliptical and bad nutrition. 

I decided I wanted to run my first 5K ...I thought well I've been doing the elliptical surely I can run! 

Hahaha! How stupid was this! I literally had never run a block...but I signed up to run 3.1 miles! 

About 1/2 a mile in I thought my heart was going to explode and I had to have the golf cart pick me up...so I never even finished! 

This was from that very first race! (Thank goodness fitness apparel has changed!)

I wore the wrong shoes...1full size too small....non running sunglasses...they used to slip all over my face...I used to not even wear a hat...omg the sun damage!! 

I soon realized running was wayyyy harder than I thought. Wayyyyy! 

And I knew nothing about running! Nothing!

I ordered a subscription to Runners World. And made running my goal. 

When I first started I couldn't run a block. I would run from mailbox to mailbox. After many months of this....I was able to run a mile...then 2 ....then 3.....

And then that's what I did...for years ...many many many years. I ran. 3miles. 5ks. 5 milers. 10ks. 1/2 marathons. Treadmill runs. Outside runs. Long runs on Sundays. Races races and more races! 

Run. Run. Run. 

I ran in rain. Snow. 

I ran out of bad relationships. 

And into new careers.

Running was my constant. I was in control. 

And I got thin....very very thin....

I ran 4-5x a week for 16 years! 

What was I running from? 

Stay tuned...part 3 is coming...

Part 3 Finding Blance

So what was I running from...what was I looking for?

Me. 

I was looking for self acceptance.
True self acceptance.
Self love.

(If your feeling a bit lost...read Here to catch up on my story of disordered eating.)

I lifted very little weight until meeting my husband in 2004. 

I would go to the gym. Do a few light weight bicep curls with a 5 pound dumbbells.  A few shoulder pressed with same 5's. Do a leg extension on 35 pounds. And maybe some abs on the ball. Then call it a day. Plus I was still running 4-5x a week sometimes more.

Photo circa 2004...notice bad posture and very little muscle. And very thin!

When my hubs first measured my body composition I had 96 pounds of lean muscle...which is very low....and weighed about 118. Meaning I was very thin with very little muscle. I was basically running off not only any fat I had but muscle as well. 

PLUS.....

I was still feeling dizzy.

I was not eating enough to maintain my running. 

I was super tired a lot. 

He set me up with a trainer...that I worked out with 2-3x a week.  This was a game changer for me. Not only did he teach me the right way to lift weights...but he also taught me about food. The importance of fueling my body. 

Now let me be honest....a lightbulb didn't go off and one day I wasn't eating enough and the next day I did....

It didn't happen that way...it was a learning process. 

With the loving help of my husband Brad and my trainer Tarik...I learned how many calories I should be consuming. When I should eat. What I should eat. The importance of balance. Carbs. Fats. Protein. Water. 

Photos circa 2006 after lifting for a few years. So I had added about 4 pounds of muscle. 

Adding this muscle did wonders for my self image! 

So for many years I followed this schedule.

Cardio 3-5x a week anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour

Lifted weights and strength trained 2-3x a week for an hour each session

And while yes I put on some muscle...it took a very long time! Very long!! 

Years actually.

It took me 2 years of following this schedule to get over 100 pounds of muscle! 

2 years to gain 4 pounds of muscle. 

So yes the scale might have moved up a bit but maybe just a few pounds....maybe up to 121/122.

I was eating more food. 

Taking in more calories. 

Feeling better.

Not dizzy. 

Looking more healthy for sure with only a few extra pounds. 

And a lot more self love, self care, and the love of a new marriage and husband. 

(But I still had horrible stomach issues...this didn't get fixed until recently read about that...Here)

Road to my bikini show debut next post....thanks everyone for reading and sharing this post!

Disordered Eating and beyond...Part 1

When I was 15 when I saw my first "Fitness" competition. 

I was at my friends house when it came on tv. 

The super muscled up girls. 

The tan. 

The dance routines. 

The bikinis.

I wanted to be those girls! 

I was a naturally thin teenager...and I loved working out...I had found what I loved to do. 

I started doing step aerobics in my living room ...Jane Fonda videos....I know I know...it was the 80s. 

I did step for Sooo long...years actually 3-4 days a week. But I looked the same. Never really made any changes to my body. Less body fat yes but I added zero muscle.

Then I became super obsessed with working out...I completely overdid it...I was 21/22 and did so much cardio that I got down to under 100 pounds...at 5' 8". I would do 1-1.5 hours of cardio daily and  I was not eating enough..to sustain my crazy workouts.  My hair started to fall out. My friends were super worried about me. I looked awful. And felt even worse. I was dizzy everyday...all day. This went on for about 6 months. 

Healthy normal weight vs. obsessive cardio and too low calories. 

I started seeing a psychiatrist who immediately put me on antidepressants...Prozac and Paxil...and I gained 50 pounds....for a person with disordered eating and over exercising...50 pounds was too much. Very Unhealthy. And really messed with my head for many years. I went from a negative size 0 to a size 14 in a year and a half. 

I needed talk therapy...not a pill.

I needed someone to guide me to how to exercise the right way....how to not overdo it.

I needed a healthy role model. 

I needed someone well versed in food...to help me make healthy choices...a balance. 

I got none of these things. 

Just a pill and weight gain of 50 pounds. 

After the 50 pound gain!!

The crazy thing is when you take these pills you think you look great. So I never knew how horrible I looked. How bloated. Puffy. Unhealthy. 

Bloated and puffy! 

Until I was in Chicago..by the Sears Towers...I was 24ish walking down the street thinking I looked amazing. I had a purple tight silky shirt on with purple sunglasses...(yes I know horrible)... It was the mid 1990s...those huge mirrored towers showed a different version of what I thought I looked like. When I saw this ridiculous girl walking with a too tight shirt on and fat rolls...I realized it was me....I cried all the way back home. 6 hours. 

I immediately went on a "diet" meaning I cut out YooHoo chocolate milk drinks replacing them with water...and for lunch I had a lunchable. I thought this was super healthy. It was 1997. I lost about 15 pounds very quickly. But I was no where near fit. Not at all. 

Down about 15 pound but not healthy or fit...not by a long shot! 

Still very unhealthy. I thought diet cokes and bean burritos were healthy. 

To be continued.....